Wednesday, April 2, 2014

it's been a while

it's been a while since i checked in with you my rouge blanc noir readers.  it never ceases to amaze me how loyal you are and how you continue to check in with me.  thank you so much for that!  i know that a few posts ago, i told you about my health issues.  i had every intention of keeping up this blog but then life, well, happened. 

after five years together. my partner and i split up.  we are and will continue to be good friends but it comes down to wanting different things in life.  i moved back into portland and got back in the swing of things.  i'm so happy to be back in the city.  while someday i see myself with a big garden and a herd of animals, i'm just not quite there yet. 

2013 was the busiest year i have ever had at work.  i was feeling good and took on a lot of side projects that kept me really busy.  i opened a second store in a matter of months.  it was the most stressful job i have ever taken on...and the most rewarding.  now i know i can do it.  i put together a great team of staff and we made it happen and it was a lot of fun.  the summer flew by and it was beautiful here in portland.  i befriended some amazing toronto based musicians who came through town that i continue to keep in touch and work with.  my store had the busiest year ever, we could barely keep up with the demand.  by the time december rolled around, i was exhausted but had taken on additional projects of installing pop-up shops for the holiday season.  i wasn't feeling well and was pretty run down by christmas but i had some dear friends coming to seattle so i drove up christmas morning to spend a few days with them.  it was great to see them but by this point, i was feeling horrible.  and then i was hit with a ton of bricks...

it just so happened that i had a three month check up with my oncologist on december 30th.  it was at this appointment that i was told that i had had a relapse of my cancer.  i was absolutely floored!  even though i wasn't feeling good, it never once crossed my mind that the cancer was back.  it had been exactly one year since i was told i was cancer free.  and here i was, dealing with it again. 

i started treatments in mid january and it was crazy how bad i was feeling this time around.  it was so much worse than the last time.  i had a bought of nausea that nearly knocked me out.  january and february are a blur to me.  my parents drove up from arizona to help me out and they are still here (that is another post entirely).  i'm in between treatments now and feel pretty good.  i'm back at work and i am so happy about that.  tomorrow i find out what is next.  i will be going into the hospital for a stem cell transplant, which is a cure for the type of cancer i have (non-hodgkins).  while i want to move forward and take care of this, i am dreading the month-long hospital stay.  i have never been in the hospital before and now i will be there for a month, that's just crazy! 

i've been thinking a lot about what i want in my life...because you know, life is short and we need to be doing what we love.  and you know what, i am to a certain extent.  i love my job and they are so supportive of me here.  they love me and send me cards and tell me that they miss me.  they say just get well and come back when you are feeling up for it.  and i do.  as soon as i felt better, i was right back to work.  i'm so thankful to have my work family.  but there are other things i want to do too.  and writing is one of them.  i love communicating with you out there.  i have had experiences that i want to share with people.  i want to someday be able to pick up and travel the world but still have an income coming in.  i want to be free to live the life that i have always dreamed of.  and i believe i can do it but it takes me committing to doing it and not giving up.  so i am putting it out there, i want to be a writer when i grow up.

and it starts here, on this little blog of mine. 

i vow to check in with you on a more regular basis and to start telling you about all of these things that i want to share with you.  and it is good things that make me happy and i hope you will enjoy it too. 

so again, thank you my readers.  i'll be back soon.

ps. this photo was taken while i was staying at my friend's house in paris.  i just loved that it was about the red and the black.

so a bientot!  i'll see you soon.

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