Saturday, April 20, 2013

wow and hello!

hello my loyal readers!  has it really been so long?  i think about my little blog all of the time and feel so bad for not visiting more often.  but well, life happens and sometimes the things we care about the most also suffer the most.

i hope to get back to blogging more often, mainly to get my thoughts out there in space somewhere to clear my head and get back to what makes me happy.

rouge blanc noir started as a place for me to share my love of all things french.  then it became a blog about what inspires me the most.  and now i think it will be both of those things but maybe i will throw in a bit more about me...maybe a virtual diary/inspiration board.

i genuinely appreciate all of you for checking in once in a while even though i have been an absentee blogger.  so please keep coming back.  hopefully we can laugh cry and look at beautiful images together!

so where have i been?  i can't remember where we left off.  i think i mentioned that i had lost my red purse in paris back in january of 2012.  above is a photo i took by serge's house.  i call this my madeleine photo because it reminds me of her.  the look on my face is so funny.  what is that expression?  i usually hate having my picture taken because they feel too posed and i don't think i'm photogenic at all.  but this one i like, i'm so happy my friend captured it this way.

after i came back from paris, i got back to work, which keeps me very busy.  i run a home furnishings store and work our trade shows in atlanta, ny and paris.  while i was in paris, i met a girl who is a textile student there and she asked about getting an internship with my company.  so i helped her out and she came and spent about 6 weeks last summer with us and interned with our textile design department.  we had a great time and i feel like she was my daughter in my past french life. 

i took her everywhere we could possibly go in the area.  it was a whirlwind of music, cooking, eating, drinking, traveling and trying to fit a little bit of work in as well.  it was probably one of my favorite summers ever.  after she completed her internship, her best friend flew in and then they were going to head south to los angeles on a two week road trip.  i had to fly to ny for the gift show and then i was to fly to paris for the maison show where we would all meet up again. 

when the girls were leaving portland on the bus, i gave them both a hug and sent them on their way.  i didn't want to cry and carry on because we were going to see each other in a few weeks.  of course i walked back into my office and lost it.  they both are incredible people and it was so hard to let them go on their way, not knowing exactly how they were going to get to their destination but trusting they would be ok because they are smart girls.  i have no idea how parents let their children go anywhere on their own...ever.  you have to put so much faith in the world that they are going to be ok and watched over.

i flew out to ny for work a few days later.  since we had been running around like crazy, i booked a few extra days before the show to take a little break and enjoy nyc.  i checked into my hotel and ate my first dinner in town at indochine, my tradition when i arrive to town.  the next morning i woke up and wasn't feeling so great.  but i got up and walked down to the west village.  i felt better as the day went on and then i met a coworker for dinner.  the next morning i woke up and felt even worse.  since i had to get back to work the following day, i figured i had better go to the emergency room to see what was going on.  so i hopped on a subway to the nyu emergency room.  they ran a few tests and took a chest x-ray and an hour or so later, i was told that i had a mass in my chest and that they may need to admit me to the hospital.  but what were they talking about?  i felt fine just a few days ago.  what kind of mass?  what does that mean?  is it a tumor?  my head was spinning.  they did a ct scan and confirmed that yes, i had some kind of mass in my thoracic region, possibly a lymphoma.

i spoke with the doctor and he said that i would be ok to go home but that i needed to get to an oncologist on monday (this was friday).  i gathered my things and walked down 42nd st, not knowing what was going to happen to me. 

i was hungry and exhausted.  i got back to my hotel and ordered wine and steak frites because well, if this is it, i'm going to eat well at least!  my coworker and a dear friend of mine that lives in ny came to my hotel and we drank and laughed and i was not alone.  i was so thankful to have the people i have in my life.  i was thankful that my friend and mentor was there with me and i was thankful that i can make friends wherever i go and that if i needed to stay in ny, i could and would be taken care of and loved.  i was thankful that i had a family at home that loved me and that i didn't have to stay in ny and that i would be back with them the next day. 

on saturday, i was able to go to work and with the help of our amazing team,  we got everything together for the show.  then i hopped on a plane to come home.  and lorenzo was there at the airport to pick me up.  with a wheelchair....

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